so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
