I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
