Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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