Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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