Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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