I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
