at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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