So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
