I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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