I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
