You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
