Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
