dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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