i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
