The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This house was built for laser tag.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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