Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk is a universal language darling
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
