hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
