we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
