textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize