Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize