Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
