News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
