Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
