the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize