I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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