I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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