Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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