I wish I only lived at night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
