She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
