Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want her autograph on my taint
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
