ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
