i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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