Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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