I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
