I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
