My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
