Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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