2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Vodka?
Forever.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
