Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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