i wish my penis had a tongue
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
