so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
