I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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