walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
