Acid is not a monday night drug
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
