I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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