I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
