i already hear my dad disowning me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
