He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bring me that man meat
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
