sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
