yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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