I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
