I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
