I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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