you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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