come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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