We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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