So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
