Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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