that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize