Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
