brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
