Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This baby is an asshole
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
