You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
