So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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