i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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