in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
