Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
