Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was so not down for the gang bang
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
